art with code

2010-12-26

The Space Campaign

Space Captain, First Galactic Baron, Royal Ring Knight, First Solar King and Third Moon Prince of the Space Planet New New Zealand, Second Master of the Holy Star Order, Imperial Great Lord of Space and Independent Space General, Sergeant Major Lieutenant Stanislaw Stanisgreat stood up from his space chair on the space deck to stare across the spacebow of the space ultrabattledestroyer HMS Stiff Upper Lip with his spacescope. There! In the distant depths of space, near the space planet of New South Macedonia, a blacker than black space cutter was cutting space towards the space merchant fleet sailing the space waves towards the space port of New North America. The weak, defenseless merchantmen were sitting in their space deckchairs just waiting to be picked off from space by the evil boat of space.

Space Captain Stanislaw cursed a terrible space curse under his space breath to no one in particular, which was just as well for there is no sound in space. He gave the order to turn the space wheel of the space ultrabattledestroyer towards the space cutter, hoist the main space sail to the space mast and blow the space horn to sound the space crew to readiness. The space sails billowed in the space wind and started the ultrabattledestroyer towards the nefarious space cutter at infinite velocity. Even at infinite velocity, Stanislaw knew he'd be too late to stop the space cutter from sinking the space merchantmen into the depths of space and feeding their space crews to the space fishes.

An endless instant later, the space ultrabattledestroyer closed to engagement range from the space cutter and turned its right side towards the dastardly space cutter. Stanislaw ordered a full thirty-fold space broadside alpha strike to be fired at the space cutter at his mark. Mark! The crewmen of the space cutter shouted in great alarm at the ultrabattledestroyer but their shouts were never heard in space before the report of the space guns of the ultrabattledestroyer drowned them out under a terrible booming fury of space.

Millions of space cannonballs flew across space in slow motion, tearing gaping space holes in the space sails of the space cutter. One space cannonball hit the cutter right in the middle and split it in two. The mangled space cutter turned its cowardly tail and tried to run across space to the space asteroid field in the middle of space to escape the space pursuit of the space ultrabattledestroyer.

Too bad for the space cutter, the ultrabattledestroyer had its space sensors deployed in space, giving them full knowledge of space. Space Captain Stanislaw set his magnificent space plan in motion and deployed a single space rowboat right in the space path of the space cutter. The space rowboat was carrying a deadly cargo of space gunpowder, which the spacemen aboard it set to explode with a slow-burning space fuse. The spacemen jumped to space off the space rowboat and space swam back to the welcoming space arms of the space ultrabattledestroyer.

The space captain of the space cutter, Shining Diamond Vizier Democratically Elected Big Cat Corporate Chief Communist Politruck Liberal Nazi Warlord Space President of Badmanistan, General Colonel of Three Stripes and One Star Badstar Badmanis noticed the space rowboat a mere picosecond too late. His bellowed order to space duck was cut short in space as the space rowboat exploded with thunderous space roar and shot three million nuclear space lightnings everywhere in space, shattering the space cutter into five trillion pieces. An endless shower of space blood colored the space red. That was one space cutter that would not cut space again, thought the entire space crew of the space ultrabattledestroyer in unison in space.

Space Captain Stanislaw Stanisgreat turned to face his space crew and congratulated them for a space job well done. His lily-white space suit and space tophat had been splattered crimson from the space blood and his visage was like that of a butchered space goat. The Space Admiral Peerless Thirty-fold Queen Emperor, Defender of Space, Attacker of the Realm, First Dame of Spacistan, Royala Bigshotikins climbed the ladder aboard the ultrabattledestroyer from her million-mile long gigaspacehyperdreadnoughtcarrier space flag ship and bestowed the space medal of Biggest Imperial Glory of Space upon the beaming Space Captain Stanislaw Stanisgreat. Stanislaw fought back a single space tear of infinite boundless space pride and saluted for hours at the Space Admiral.

THE END
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Built art installations, web sites, graphics libraries, web browsers, mobile apps, desktop apps, media player themes, many nutty prototypes, much bad code, much bad art.

Have freelanced for Verizon, Google, Mozilla, Warner Bros, Sony Pictures, Yahoo!, Microsoft, Valve Software, TDK Electronics.

Ex-Chrome Developer Relations.